I haven't written a blog on here in quite sometime, so I'll probably be jumping around a lot. I've been sticking mostly with a notebook. However, I really need to vent and I'm not sure where my notebook is at right now. I think the kids got a hold of it..

So my 21st birthday was a little over a week ago. It was rather terrible. I had to work 7-3, got yelled at within the first 20 minutes for something that wasn't my fault, then later got pulled into the office because of my attitude towards a girl I was trying not to fight with. I was already mad at her and was trying to just get her to leave, but getting pulled into the office just made me fly off the handle. I had a table that complained while I was in there there because no one was there to check on them and their food was cold. Food comped. No tip. Thanks. Then I lost out on another 4 tables while having to be in the office. Each of those tables = money I missed out on. Yeah, that's right, the money I pay my bills with, buy food with. Yeah, I was not a happy camper.

And speaking of bills, have I mentioned that I haven't paid any of this month's bills yet? Yeah, none of them. Plus, I get to add a new bill here soon. On my birthday, my car died. The day before I got my oil changed, tires rotated and filled it up with gas. In total it was about a $250 loss on top of the loss of my car. So now I have to take out a loan and buy a new one. So far this week I've spent over 50 bucks on cab rides.

I also don't have a Christmas tree or any presents at all for the kids. My boyfriend's daughter moved in with us about 2 months ago and so far it's working out, but not as great as I hoped. She and my daughter are always fighting, always getting in to trouble and I feel so helpless because nothing I do to try to discipline them seem to be working. One or the other, that's great. Both of them though? Not so much, they fight over every little thing, a chair, a piece of string, a blanket, etc. They got up at 5 the other week and got into the bathroom cabinets, took my makeup and smeared it all over the walls. They then proceeded to rip up my daughter's bed (which I haven't been able to replace quite yet), get nail polish all over their sheets and pillowcases..I'm at my wits end. I don't know how to make such awful behavior stop! I also can't believe that I slept through it.

I'm so sick of cleaning, I feel like that's all I ever do. I'm also afraid of what is to come, and how I'm going to get through all of this. This house is old and won't stay warm, I don't even want to see my gas bill. Hours are starting to get cut at work because we're getting slower. There would be no point in getting another job, because then we'd have to put the girls in daycare (and that's another cost I can't afford!) and it wouldn't end up being worth it. I could try to get a better job, but there's just no opportunities here in a town with less than 15,000 people! It's all restaurants! That and Wal-Mart!

Then on top of that, our lease is up next month. Fantastic. I don't know if we'll renew it or not. I don't know if we'll stay in this town or state even. I just don't know. I DO know that I want to go to school next fall, so where ever we go or if we stay we'll have to be there until I finish school. I don't want to start something I can't finish.

Argh, and then some people just make me so mad. I was talking in the break room at work about how I just want a car with 4 doors and runs. She was talking about how she was so sad that her daddy wouldn't let her buy a Jaguar because the payments were too much. She went on about how she could never ever drive a crappy looking car and how her first car was a Camaro. It just made me go "Seriously?" out loud. I just can't imagine what that would even be like. That kind of money is way out of my reach.

Anyway, boyfriend is home, will probably rant again later. Sorry I just had to get it out.

Long time since I've been on here. If any of you remember the car trouble I had several months ago...that ended up getting fixed, but I got ripped off 200 dollars...in the end it cost 600 dollars to fix it.Other than that, life is finally on track, I just hope it stays that way. The loverboy and I moved into a house a couple of months ago, my car's been running fine, my jobs been pretty good (minus my asshole boss), and I have been hanging out with friends quite a bit. We've been partying on occasion, going to the beach every week, and I couldn't ask for anything else right now. Well, I guess I could, but currently there are no complaints. I hope everything is going good for everyone else too. :)

I really, really hope that this year will be better than the last couple of years.
I can't really see how things could get much worse than the way the are now.
My car is going to cost $336.xx to fix, it's the fuel filter and fuel pump.
If I can find someone to put it all in for me, that'll save me 130 bucks just on labor.
Either way, the parts are still super expensive.
If my car dies before I can get it fixed I'm so screwed.
If I lose my car, I lose my way to work, if I lose my way to work, I lose my job, if I lose my job, I lose a shelter, if I lose that...I'm just SOL.
I'm going to find a day care next week.
My mother is irritating and doesn't understand that I don't always get out of work on time.
I may be scheduled until 8:00, but if my last table doesn't leave until after 9 and then I still have all my sidework and silverware to do, I'm not going to be able to get out of there until after 10, like what happened last night when we were really busy.
Not only that, but I told her about how I was looking at a daycare next week, and then she'd just have to watch Ivy on the weekends, and now she's telling me she can't do that either.
So I now have to find a new daycare, and another place or person on top of that just for weekends.
I'm also going to put in some job applications in the next couple weeks.
God. Now my mom and I just got into a fight and I'm crying and I have to go work.
I'm trying.
There's not much more I can do than that.
I hate being to so broke.